COLOUR SUPPLEMENT - PROFILE OF THE DIRECTOR-GENERAL

We realise that rather than see a profile of our Director-General, Mr Andrew Thomas, you would rather have seen the back of his head. Be brave, however! This is a scoop of him busy at his part-time job of sexing up Terry Wogan scripts on his Cray Supercomputer 386 - enough to shock his beloved lampshade hat right off his head.

Andy Thomas was born at an early age, one of an otherwise relatively normal family. We say "relatively" because one of his relatives, his brother Rupert Lloyd Thomas, also shows alarming signs of Rocketry. In fact, their parents soon discovered that the best way of bringing them up was pinning them down. After a comparatively long childhood, he practised the law (but the law won).

The D-G (or Deege, as his close circle are permitted to refer to him) is an accomplished musician. He is expert not only on strings (guitar: Strender Fatocaster plus fiddle: income tax) but also on woodwind: Deegeridoo.

(See picture below of the Deege's enormous Deegeridoo, and read more about it here.)

Those of you who followed the story last year will realise that, sadly, the Deege suffers from megalomania. This manifests itself in various ways:

• His idiosyncratic mode of dress (particularly when he appears as Queen Victoria)
• His chosen mode of transport (a Hispano-Suiza White Van complete with Deege pennant, and which he attempts to get Andy Reeve to chauffeur, plus his luxury yacht the "Lady Ghislaine")
• And, of course, his Enormous Extension.
  

The said Extension has its being at the glorious Deege's Palace in Lewes (seen right). During excavations, various things of no interest whatsoever were discovered, including a broken piece of porcelain inscribed "To Andy - You're my main man and I love you like a brother - Saddam".

And this is the man to whom the organisation of Rocket FM Lewes has been entrusted! Makes you think, doesn't it? (Glad something does...)

The Deege's unique Hispano-Suiza white van, which he acquired from his friend Nick the Stamp Collector from Uckfield (who saw little future prospect of driving it).  The vehicle was photographed parked in the drive leading up to his hunting-box, only a haggis-throw from Balmoral.