THE INCREDIBLE DISAPPEARING PAUL WATTS
29th October 2003

It's official!  The hundreds of incoming lines to the Rocket Global Broadcasting facility in Lewes have been jammed by the devoted fan of Paul Watts, wanting to know where he is.

Paul, who shares only a distant ancestor with Derek "The Silver Fox" Watts, migrated to Spain, allegedly in order to run an Andalucian beach bar. He was supposed to have travelled to Santander to meet the Deege's especially-despatched luxury yacht, the "Lady Ghislaine", to sail him to Portsmouth, whence he would head for Lewes to introduce his indispensable "Tail End" programme.

But he never turned up.

Ashen-faced senior executives at Rocket said today: "We fear that yet again our dear young Paul has been abducted by aliens and turned into an olive" (see illustration of when Paul was last believed to have turned into such a fruit). Sources close to Watts, however, suspect that he is being pursued by a manic band of castanet-clacking flamenco dancers on the long road between Andalucia and Galicia. Either that, or he's missed the yacht and is swimming bravely (smiling graciously) towards England.

Whatever, we are fully confident that young Paul will be here at the weekend and able to take over control of Tail End from his efficently-trained deputies on Monday evening, 3rd November.

Update

Well ... the best-laid plans of Watts and men gang aft agley. He never did turn up. And here we are in 2005, when he undertook to provide his show from his luxury sunny beach-hut in Spain. So what happened? The first show went just fine - but the second disappeared into the ether. We are reliably assured, however, that his third and final show this year has been rescued from the olive jar and will be transmitted on schedule on Sunday 6th November. Such sweet, credulous optimists are we at Rocket FM.